Self Deception and Self Betrayal, deceiving ourselves and blaming others

My wife Petah-Jane Auckland-Hall and I were talking to our new Diamond & Blue Diamond Account Manager Brittney Stirling this week. She’s been working for dōTERRA for about 8 years in Utah before coming to Australia this month to bring more dōTERRA experience to Account Management.

I was talking about the book I’m writing and Brittney asked if we’d ever read ‘Leadership and Self Deception’ by the Arbinger Institute. We hadn’t. She then said “This is the book that the dōTERRA Owners have built dōTERRA on, and which is required reading for everyone over Director Level in Corporate.


A Book – Leadership and Self Deception

Brittney had me at ‘dōTERRA Owners’. I downloaded the book on Audible that afternoon and PJ and I began listening to it in the car that evening on the way to and from a class up the Sunshine Coast. I finished it yesterday on a flight from Brisbane to Perth.

The subject of the book touches on an issue I’ve written about before, when I blogged on Handling Difficult Situations with People

I’m not going to spoil the book for you, or give much away, because it’s one of the books that every human should read. A part of the Operating Manual for life that we were never issued.

The book teaches through story and is based on principles discovered by the Arbinger Institute and it’s founder C. Terry Warner.

It was first published in the year 2000, and has been a best seller and been translated into more than 20 languages. When listening to the Audio Book the style of the narrator is somewhat flamboyant, as he uses different voices and styles for the different characters of the story, which dates it a little bit, but please persist with it, as it teaches brilliantly.

Self Deception Research

The book is based on research conducted by the Arbinger Institute into the role that Self Deception plays in human psychology.

Some of the principles have made their way into attitudes in conscious communities about looking inward when you find yourself in situations of conflict, but this book provides such depth in the way the characters explain this to one another in the story.

You can tell it has been based on research and not flaky dogma or untested theories.

The key focus is on Self Deception where we have a very myopic view of people and situations that are self serving, and very distorted by our ego. It acknowledges that this is actually part of the human condition, and applies not just to you or me, but to all of us.

The book goes into great depth to really clearly help us understand just how clever and deceitful our ego is as it justifies our choices, and it provides crystal clear contrasts to the times when we see more clearly helping us to see ourselves more clearly. It is a little staggering how blind we can be to our own self deception and the book includes great examples to bring these deceptions into the light.


This book is not just a leadership book, it is a relationships book. It includes in the story examples of situations with the main character’s wife and his son, as well as workplace scenarios.

There are very few relationships in my life where I find myself triggered any more, but one of the few is my relationship with my stepson. I work hard to keep my emotions in check when he does things I would not have got away with as a young man. I guess I’ve been aware that as much as I might be keeping it in most of the time, the emotion I carry with respect to him can be felt, and especially by him as he is a huge empath. The book helped me to see myself, and the hypocrisy of the fact that I find joy when he messes up, so my ego can be proven right about how difficult he is. I am going to bring an entirely different energy to this relationship in the future.

Seeing People as People

One of the central awarenesses of the book is that when we are in this state of Self Deception and Self Betrayal, we are focused on ourself and our needs, and we are not seeing the other parties around us as people with a soul, we are seeing them as just annoying things that are stopping us from…….(whatever it is).

Success and Achieving

The book shows how when we are in Self Deception and Self Betrayal, it stops us from creating, from effectively collaborating, and it can be a business killer.

One of the biggest issues in the Direct Sales business is this issue of human conflict, and of the stories that our egos tell us about uplines, about downlines, and in short about other people.

If you are doing the business in dōTERRA there is no more important book than you can read than this one.

When you have read it, you will hopefully realise that your job is not to give it to that annoying upline or downline so they can fix the rifts between you. You will instead have the tools to see your part in the Self Deception and Self Betrayal, and you will want to heal it yourself.

The book acknowledges that it takes two to tango, and that we are in fact ALL in deceiving and betraying ourselves every single day. To reduce the degree to which it happens takes vigilance.

The Answers

Most importantly, the book gives us the answers to bring us the self awareness to see when we are in Self Deception and Self Betrayal, and shows the path out.

Well, I’ll leave you now to go and buy it. I know it will impact your life profoundly. Good luck!

Ura P Auckland
Blue Diamond Leader
Sycamore Wellbeing with PJ & Ura
Authegrity Pty Ltd
Writer carrying the energy of Author

Image Attributions

  1. Young woman dissatisfied and angry facial expression. Royalty Free Stock Photo ID 670858699 at Shutterstock by Fizkes subject to Shutterstock Standard License





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